From Just Existing to Fully Living: My Journey Through Depression and Finding Hope

When Nothing Seemed to Work

Over the years, I tried everything I was supposed to do.

I had been on several antidepressant medications—even up to three at one time—to try to find a combination that worked for me. I was also going to talk therapy regularly. But despite all of it, nothing seemed to bring real relief.

My depression took a toll on every part of my life. I was constantly irritable and overwhelmed. I struggled to communicate and could barely think clearly. At some point, I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.
What I didn’t know at the time is that this experience is actually common. Some people live with what’s often called treatment-resistant depression (TRD)—when depression doesn’t improve after trying standard treatments like medication and therapy.

Learning About Another Option

Everything started to shift during one conversation in therapy.

My therapist suggested I look into TMS therapy, specifically the NeuroStar Advanced Therapy system.

At first, I was hesitant. After so many years of trying medications without success, I didn’t want to get my hopes up again. But I did my research. I learned that TMS is a non-drug, non-invasive treatment that uses magnetic pulses to stimulate areas of the brain involved in mood.

Then my psychiatrist recommended it, too, which gave me the push I needed.

I decided that if there was even a chance it could help, it was worth trying.

My Experience with TMS Therapy

I won’t lie—at first, I was nervous.

During my first visit, my anxiety was high because I didn’t know what to expect. But once I understood the process, that feeling quickly faded.

The treatment itself felt unusual at first—kind of like tapping—but it wasn’t painful. After a few sessions, I got used to it and was able to relax.

What made the biggest difference for me was the care I received.

I had one-on-one support every day from the TMS technician who made me feel safe, understood, and comfortable. Those 19 minutes each day became something I actually looked forward to—not just for the treatment, but for the sense of calm and connection.

The First Signs of Change

A few days into treatment, something started to shift.

My husband noticed it before I did. He told me I seemed calmer and that little things weren’t bothering me like they used to.

And then I felt it too.

I wasn’t flying off the handle anymore. I wasn’t drowning in my thoughts. I had more energy. It felt like a small light was turning back on after being dim for years.

It wasn’t overnight—but it was steady.

Every day, I felt a little more like myself again.

What Life Feels Like Now

Today, my life feels completely different.

For the first time in decades, I wake up with a sense of purpose and gratitude.

Before treatment, I was just existing. Now, I’m living.

I enjoy being outside, spending time with my grandchildren, and doing everyday things that used to feel impossible.

My family sees the change too—they see me smiling, laughing, and truly present again.

One of the biggest changes is how my mind feels. It’s quieter. Clearer. I’m not constantly overwhelmed or reacting to everything around me.

And most importantly—I feel like myself again.

Could TMS Be an Option for You?

If you’ve tried medications or therapy and still feel like you’re not where you want to be, I understand how discouraging that can feel.

What I’ve learned is that not all depression responds the same way to treatment—and sometimes, it takes a different approach.

TMS therapy may be one option to talk about with your mental health provider, especially if you’ve been struggling to find relief from depression.